Tuesday afternoon, 26 March 2002, Jeff and Brian left from Kalamazoo to start the 14-hour drive to Thunder Bay. We stopped in Harbor Springs for an overnight rest at the home of Jeff’s friends. Wednesday we continued on, enjoying a sunny day for the spectacular drive around the top of Lake Superior. The drive went quicker than we thought, so we added in a few extra stops along the lakeshore to enjoy the sunshine and watch the waves.
When we arrived in Thunder Bay, the frenzy of last minute preparations was underway. The retreat was held in the home of Tina’s parents. They had graciously allowed us to use it for the retreat while they looked after Tina’s son and took up residence in her apartment. The living room, emptied of furniture, became the meditation and altar room. With ten participants and the retreat leader, Bob Kapitany, every other room, including the laundry room and sauna, was used for sleeping accommodations.
The retreat was intending to start Wednesday night, which we had not expected. Several members from the local Dharma Group were off on last minute errands—a yellow flowering plant, Tibetan incense, etc. Since the retreat would be closed for 10 days, none of the participants could leave on errands that had not be pre-arranged or approved. One participant, had arranged to leave early; but, the rest of us were committed for 10 days.
Bob instructed us in the practice of placing your seat cushion on one spot at the start of the retreat and not moving it until your committed practice was completed. Although traditionally this would include placing grasses in the form of a specific syllable under your cushion, we placed our cushions without the grass. But we tried to avoid the furnace returns-luckily, no leaking roofs were involved. To fulfill your initiation commitment, the retreat needed to include 100,000 mantras. Added to this was an additional 10,000 wisdom showering mantras (which take longer than normal mantras) and a fire puja ceremony at the end. The full retreat can easily exceed 10 days unless mantras are the primary focus. Bob chose to have the focus on growth and learning (and returning home at a predictable time).
By the time all the preparations were complete it was quite late. We completed a short sit, which ended close to midnight. Bob scheduled a later start on Thursday morning, to keep us from starting fatigued. Our routine during the week was to have four 2-2.5 hour sits each day. The first sit started at 6:30 a.m.; participants were asked to wait on showering and breakfast until after the first sit. Each session started with a brief Vajra Satva meditation. This provided a foundation for the Cittamani Tara practice that followed. Between each session there was time for light meals, helping with chores, dharma study and mindful walking. During the time of the retreat we were asked to embody the deity even while undertaking our everyday tasks (walking, sitting, chewing, sleeping, etc.).
Very quickly, the group immersed itself in the hard work of inner learning. Many of us shared some initial wandering mind: “ten days, what have I gotten myself into! ” or “I don’t need this, I could be doing something much more entertaining. ” However, these quickly subsided as the routine took over. The heart of the retreat is always intensely individual. It is impossible, and inappropriate, to include more details of this growth in an article.
The days without contact outside of the retreat center passed one after another. The world turned and we had no knowledge of world events. Bob had some unavoidable contacts by e-mail. One morning a visualization of purifying hatred included a reference to the people in Israel and Palestine. We later found out that the tensions in that part of the world had intensified.
All too soon, the 10 days ended. Bob stopped the retreat about noon on Saturday (to allow Jeff and I to start our drive home). He explained that to fulfill the initiation commitment, we needed to continue the full retreat sadhana every day until we had completed the 100,000 mantras. This should include maintaining an altar in our homes. After the 100,000 mantras, daily practice should continue with 10,000 wisdom-showering mantras. After this, we should return to Tara mantras, maintaining daily practice until we completed a Fire Puja. Bob held a short dharma protector fire ceremony in the backyard before we broke the retreat and said good-bye. Many of the participants stayed over to help with the house cleaning (and furniture moving) and to await flights home the next day. Jeff & I immediately began our drive home.
Moving from a retreat to a highway was not an easy transition. We drove most of the way around the top of the lake with very little talking. My perceptions had been opening up; the natural scenery, birds, and fast-moving cars seemed to be caught in a slow moving gel. Our drive went fast and we found ourselves back to Jeff’s friend’s home in Harbor Springs for the overnight. The trip home from there was snowy and slushy with a late season storm. Jeff drove through this safely and we got home in the afternoon. The next morning brought an avalanche of activities as our normal lives resumed.
For me, daily practice seemed impossible to maintain; however, I somehow managed to find just enough time, again and again. The participants from Thunder Bay scheduled time with Bob to hold a Fire Puja in Thunder Bay on 29 June. Since an earlier time scheduled for Kalamazoo had fallen through, I loaded up my wife and dog and we combined the trip to Thunder Bay with our summer vacation.
The Puja was held outside of Thunder Bay on the property of a local Dharma Center member. Folks from Thunder Bay had, once again, put large efforts into the planning and preparations. Bob was able to bring some of the more exotic ingredients (i.e. kusha grass) from Toronto. But the rest of the preparations were all handled by the folks in Thunder Bay. The ceremony had lots of heat (due to the weather and the flames) and lasted several hours. The Dharma Group held a potluck afterwards (at a cool location). During the potluck Bob mentioned that we no longer had an obligation to do the retreat practice everyday; however, it would still be good to do it every day (or as much as possible). So, after 3 months of looking forward to the end, we only find another beginning (which is as it should be).
I want to sincerely thank all the members of the Thunder Bay Dharma Center for their hard work in hosting this retreat. I especially want to thank the following individuals: Tina’s Parents for their generosity in providing their home as a retreat center, Tina for answering my numerous questions by e-mail, Charley for handling the finances and helping correct the kink in my back, Aaron our Kitchen Dhakini, Damon for hosting the Fire Puja, Mary for hosting the potluck, Pierre for assisting me during the Fire Puja and the entire Dharma Group in Thunder Bay for the hard work putting together an outstanding retreat. I also want to specially thank Bob Kapitany for his leadership during the retreat and Zasep Tulku Rinpoche for his continuing guidance and support. If anyone reads this and wants to find out about future retreats or learning opportunities, look at the upcoming events section of this website or at the websites linked on Gaden for the West.